Trivia 1F

Can anyone explain to me why anyone, anywhere takes that insane bible thumper Jerry Falwell seriously on any issue whatsoever? This gas bag sees homosexuals under every bed and in every television character and, probably, even in the mirror. His latest target? That silly little purple Teletubby Tinky Winky. Granted, that entire show, consisting of Tinky Winky and three other space-alien like characters, causes miscarriages in lab mice and insulin shock in at-home parents but, having seen the program just once (okay, the first five minutes or so but I really did look directly at the screen the whole time) I can tell you that there is absolutely nothing remotely sexual about the show. Nevertheless, listen to Jerry spout off, "He is purple - the gay pride color; and his antennae is shaped like a triangle - the gay pride symbol." Old Jerry forgot to mention that he or she carries a red purse, as well, but we'll let Jerry off on this one little omission, shall we?!? Thankfully, we have Rep. Barney Frank, Democrat of Massachusetts and an openly gay Congressman, to put it all in perspective. His answer to Jerry's foolishness was terse but to the point, "In all fairness to Jerry Falwell, it's probably too sophisticated for him". To quote the witless Falwell, "Amen, brother!" (1) (2)

The Republicans are already in the process of destroying their own in the name of their Right Wing litmus tests. The pollster most often mention in the same sentence as Elizabeth Dole's presidential hopes, Linda DiVall, is the latest in what will be a growing body count. The Ultra-Conservatives whine that DiVall has polled for such un-Republican groups as the National Education Association, Handgun Control Inc., and the Human Rights Campaign (the nation's largest homosexual lobby). Huffing self-righteously that, "It shows the company she keeps", the shark frenzy begins. Good! Let them attack each other and the rest of us can just set back and watch the sparks fly. (3)

A great political cartoon in the Washington Post National Weekly Edition really sums up what has become of the Republican Party and their future. Two gents sitting at a bar are discussing the attempted coup de etat disguised as an impeachment which just died a long awaited death. The first, more sober of the two is saying, "We'll ignore the polls, kick Clinton out, lose our seats in Congress and then run Dan Quayle against incumbent President Gore". Picking up his beer, the second remarks, "Say, that really is a whacko right wing conspiracy!" Fade to black. (4)

Oh, yeah. That icon of consumerism run amok, Michael Jordan, was recently asked if he planned to take his long promised trip to inspect the many Nike plants around the world which use child labor and young women in very hazardous factories (detailed in many previous articles in this space) as he often promised has basically decided to ignore his word and just go on making money hand over fist. Of course, as has been the case all along, that money will come at the expense of many lives wasted or damaged by the chemicals in the plant's air as well as the twelve hour days for less that two dollars a day. Let's all run out and worship this person whose only contribution to the welfare of the world was to bounce a brown ball around and then jump up and push it through a metal hoop. For that, he is revered as someone important and children kill one another for his shoes. (5)

Connecticut Gov. John Rowland, explaining the loss of voter support for the GOP, "The good news is that the rich people and the business people still like us." With any luck at all, even that won't last long since the Religious Right (that oxymoron again) is dragging what's left of the party further and further into the same hell that is Afghanistan and Algeria and Bosnia and Serbia and Croatia and on and on and on. Of course, that's just my humble opinion. (6)

I have to admit that I sympathize a bit with the PC (politically correct) crowd in their efforts to amend the English language in order to remove overt insults from our everyday conversations. I also sympathize with the crowd who claim that the movement has gone too far. In the latter vein, the hoopla over the sign advertising the San Francisco exercise club is a wonderful example. The billboard features an alien's mocking face and the message "When they come, they will eat the fat ones first." Personally, as a slightly (very, very, very slightly) over weight fellow myself, I find this quite funny. The reality is that, just like that silly old Falwell, one can find bugaboos everywhere if you're a sick enough individual to go looking. Quite frankly, one can see evil in those seven little guys (dwarf is so un-PC, don't you think?) living together and sleeping side by side in the same room. I have my doubts as well about the phrase "he sticks out like a sore thumb". That insults thumbs everywhere and it's time to pick another finger for use as short hand in conversations.(7)

One last quote for your consideration. Conservative leader Paul Weyrich, president of the Free Congress Foundation, in a letter asking if conservatives have lost the power to dictate public debates, er, rather, have lost the power to influence politics, "If there really were a moral majority out there, Bill Clinton would have been driven out of office months ago." Now, I think that he asked the wrong question completely. It would have been far more accurate to have asked, "If there really were the moral majority of prudes and fascists and racists and the like that we have tried to convince the American people existed anywhere but in our warpped minds, Bill Clinton would have been driven out of office months ago." Remember, folks, it's easy to ask the wrong question but very difficult for that to lead to an intelligent answer. The Right proves that every time they open their mouths. (8)

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