A Little Ditty To Sing While Picketing The Abortion Clinic

I'll warn you ahead of time that what follows will most assuredly anger anyone who still has even a shred of respect left for the ultra-conservative, Religious Right belief system. For that, I not only refuse to offer an apology but I won't even promise not to feel glee at each message I'll receive on my e-mail and my answering machine, explaining that I'm going to Hell or that the caller will hunt me down and kill me like the humanist Darwinian pagan pig that I am (a real threat I once got...nearly a literate alliteration) and on and on. That said, if you venture further, it's you're fault if I infuriate you.

I'll provide an escape hatch for those who need one about now... I'm scared, mommy! Let me outta here!!!! Send me somewhere I feel safe and among my own kind!!!

Now that they've left to visit their friends, the rest of us will continue.

In every old news reel, where the troops of various nations are seen parading down the street, you hear, in the background, some militaristic music designed to include the listener in the heart pounding excitement of whatever cause is being supported. America, for instance, has the Battle Hymn of the Republic, an ode to the convergence of God and the military. The Nazis had more than a few, mostly from Wagner, that inspired their troops to even greater heights of evil.

In America, a new and even more virulent form of fascism has arisen, another army of hateful, destructive individuals who firmly believe that not only is God on their side in every debate but that, as well, they are authorized to murder and physically attack everyone who resists their version of Biblical "morality". These "soldiers of God" claim to be pro-life when it is in regards to the cells growing in a woman's womb but are violently pro-war and pro-capital punishment and support cruel treatment for prisoners, etc., in all other regards. They see no hypocrisy in demanding that all abortions are murder while, at the same time, elevating to the status of "Hero" any evil little animal that kills people in the medical profession who dares practice a legally protected and useful medical procedure and acclaim anyone imprisoned for their hate filled crimes as a "martyr".

Well, my God is a tad less blood thirsty than theirs and expects only that we each treat one another as His children, always exercising our free will. If pre-natal abortions are wrong then most certainly post-natal abortions are equally wrong. (I include, under the heading of post-natal; capital punishment, war, starvation, preventable disease, the refusal to fully fund research into fatal and debilitating diseases and the many other passive ways that some find to kill those whom the "Christians" hate and who cannot protect themselves.)

Since these "people" want to call themselves an "army", then I humbly offer them an anthem, a little something to sing and chant as they demand tax cuts for the rich and then march along in front of the abortion clinic or sit humming to themselves as they hide like cowards in the bushes, centering the doctor in the sights of their high powered, constitutionally protected rifles.

This ditty will be sung to the tune of "Jesus Loves the Little Children". You know the one. It goes like this:

Jesus loves the little children
All the little children of the world
Red and yellow black and white...

You get the idea. If you haven't heard the song before, go to your local Republican campaign office and ask one of the folks sitting around to sing a few bars for you. It's actually a pretty little piece of music, although its original message seems forever lost on the very people who so often sing it.

Here, then, is the version that I offer free of all royalties or commissions. It should simply be held as the final definition of the world of the ultra-conservative, religious fanatic, er, Religious Right individual. As you sing this merry little air, picture yourself standing in front of the voting booth, about to vote the same old, straight Republican ticket because only these brave American patriots have the courage to try to dismantle the Dept. of Education and to remove all funds for drug rehabilitation and Head Start and low cost legal services and after school programs and sexually transmitted disease awareness classes in our schools and, well, you know...just think of all of the things near and dear to the place where the heart is supposed to be in a conservative.

Jesus loves the lily white children
All the lily white children of the world
Red and yellow black ain't white
So they're all evil in His sight
Jesus loves the lily white children of the world.

Jesus hates the homosexual
All the homosexuals in the world.
Call all your friends and kill them right
Cause they're from Satan in His sight
Jesus hates the homosexuals of the world.

Jesus hates the abortion doctors
All the abortion doctors in the world
Hide in the bushes and kill them at night
Use your rifle's telescopic sight
Jesus hates the abortion doctors in the world.

Jesus hates the single mothers
All the single mothers in the world
They'll all go hungry and that's fair
Cause we got rid of their welfare
Jesus hates the single mothers in the world.

Jesus hates the drug addicted
All the drug addicted in the world
Smoke cigarettes and have a drink
It'll keep you in the pink
Jesus hates the drug addicted in the world

Jesus hates the abused children
All the abused children in the world
Keep it hidden, out of sight
Only do it in the night
Jesus hates the abused children of the world

Jesus hates the pregnant school girl
All the pregnant school girls in the world
In education we are prudes
But our pro-life methods are quite crude
Jesus hates the pregnant school girls in the world

Jesus hates the migrant worker
All the migrant workers in the world
They harvest our vegetables all day
And then they whine for decent pay
Jesus hates the migrant workers of the world

Jesus hates the labor unions
All the labor unions in the land
Treat us decent's all they ask
But overseas we send their tasks
Jesus hates the labor unions in the land.

Jesus hates the nation's liberals
All the nation's liberals I am told
They help the poor, they help the child
It just drives religious-conservatives WILD!!
Jesus hates the nation's liberals I am told

You can make up your own choruses to follow these and, if you do, why not share them with the world by sending them to me and I'll add them in a future article. Oh, and the answer to the question "Do you realize how you have to contort the music to make these words fit the tune?" is answered with a "Yes, I do but Rush Limbaugh hires someone to write his hateful little ditties and I have to make up my own hateful little ditties so, yeah, sorry that they ain't Rogers and Hammerstein!" (Also, the question, "Don't you seem to have too much time on your hands?" is also answered, "Probably!")

Now, before I'm asked why I felt it necessary to share this with you I'll confess that the tune kind of wrote itself in my mind and then sat spinning in my head with the same irritating redundancy of Disneyland's "It's A Small World". Now, you will have to put up with it, too (sound of evil, maniacal laughter reverberating off the cold and damp stone walls of my mountain fortress somewhere in America's underbelly)!!!

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Copyright 4/19/99