Trivia 2E


Gov. George W. Bush seems to think he’s in a race to the bottom, not with Al Gore but with his intellectual equal, Danny Quayle. Trying hard to prove that Quayle isn’t the only dummy in the Republican Party who can spout the truly absurd, Tumbleweed recently announced, “One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.” Can you just imagine him sitting across the table from say, Tony Blair, flipping idly through that day’s comic book, giggling like a little school girl at all of the funny pictures? ( 1 )

Now that Viacom owns CBS, what odds are there that the level of integrity will go up or down? Here’s your answer. Sumner Redstone, CEO of Viacom, “We do not view it as our role to tell the government of China how to run China. We want to do business. We cannot succeed in China without being a friend of the Chinese people (my emphasis) and the Chinese government. . .Journalistic integrity must prevail in the final analysis. But that doesn’t mean that journalistic integrity should be exercised in a way that is unnecessarily offensive to the countries in which you operate.” Does that answer the question? ( 2 )

Need another reason to hate that huge pile of feces known as Rush Limbaugh? Referring to the shooting of children and their bible study teachers at the Baptist Church in Ft. Worth, Texas last year by an avowed racist (meaning Republican), this edifice of regurgitation said, “Voila! Automatically we’ve got another mass shooting. The minute Congress gets back and starts work on new gun control legislation . . . guess what? I’m drawing no conclusion, I’m just telling you. It’s very strange. ‘Well, gee, Rush, it sounds very sinister.’ It may be. Look. I don’t doubt for a minute that Democrats are capable of staging any kind of event whatsoever . . . in order to gain advantage in the causes they support. I’ve said it before. It’s nothing new.”

Think about it, gentle readers. Is there any better reason to hate everything that the Republicans stand for than the simple fact that this imbecile is one of their main policy spokesmen? ( 3 )

Another wee comparison that one might make between Tumbleweed and Danny Quayle? Both sick little war fanatics got out of going to Vietnam through their father’s connections. Danny boy’s connections have long been a matter of public record but Tumbleweed has been hiding behind the story that he was recommended by Ben Barnes, former speaker of the Texas House of Representatives who got him an impossible to achieve spot in the Texas Air National Guard. What Tumbleweed doesn’t admit, but that Barnes let slip to a reporter for the Washington Post, George Larder, is that Barnes admits that he was contacted by Sid Adger, a wealthy Houston businessman and close friend of daddy Bush Sr.

Gosh, could Georgie and Danny have been separated at birth? ( 4 )

Ah, the smell of pork roasting in Congress! When the Navy stated clearly that they had no need of, nor any desire for, a miniature aircraft carrier, Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott stepped up to plate and explained to the Navy that it does, indeed, both need and desire this ship and promptly had his Republican co-horts in the Senate vote $500 million dollars for it. When, in order to keep up the appearance that this was the Navy’s idea and not his, Lott asked the Navy how much it needed to build this ship, their answer was just $295 million dollars. Again, bellying up to the pork table, Lott faxed the Navy and explained to them that $295 million dollars was the “wrong answer”! The answer, he stated, was that “the Navy needs to support...$375 million to $500 million dollars.”

Exactly how brazen do these clowns need to be before the American public gets the point and sends them all back to their little playgrounds or wherever the hell it is they came from? ( 5 )

Back to Tumbleweed. One of the ways he is putting together his little old campaign chest is to sell bottled water with “Bush For President” on the label. Now, would you want to drink any water from the state of Texas? Probably not, considering that Texas leads the entire nation in overall pollution, is one of the top three surface water polluters, is 47th in the nation in per capita spending for water resource programs, ranks 46th for protecting and regulating drinking water and ranks ninth in drinking water violations detected and reported. Add to that the way that Tumbleweed has gutted the state's few environmental laws and vastly limited the power of the state’s environmental agencies and you might wonder just who would be fool enough to drink this junk no matter whose name is on it. But, wait! It’s okay to drink, after all. The water is bottled in Kentucky! ( 6 )

People, immediately go to GWBush.com . I promise that you will always be in my debt. This is the greatest political satire site I have ever seen. I’d describe it but, well, I couldn’t do it the justice it deserves. Go there! Now! I’ll wait for you here, I promise.

For those who would like to see a few sites that poke fun at Gore, then go to allgore.com or albore.com or, finally, algore-2000.org. These three are not nearly as great a satire on their subjects as GWBush.com but they’ll most assuredly do. Isn’t it interesting how creative the left is in nearly every field except making obscene amounts of money and hoarding it, a talent that is about all the Right can lay claim to?

Pretty fine, weren’t they? I can’t do any better than that so, as Morrison said, “This is the end. My only friend, the end!”

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Copyright 3/30/2000