This time, let's look at a few "information lite" issues. That doesn't mean that it isn't pertinent to the world around us, it just means I won't use the terms "moron" and "Nazi" quite as often.
A great cartoon shows a mass of people marching in the street carrying signs that say "No Globalization Without Representation" and "Labor" and "3rd World Debt" and "Environment" and "Family Farmers" and the like. A talking head type is trusting a microphone at one of the marchers and asking, "In 30 seconds, can you tell us why your complex, multilayered message isn't getting thru to the public?"( 1 )
Here's a sampling from Harper's Index.
Number of U.S. presidents who have said, "You teach a child to read and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." - 1
Percentage change since 1999 in US sales of hardcover books for adults and children, respectively - minus 12%, minus 13%
Ratio of number of pupils per teacher in Michigan's schools to the number of inmates per guard in its prisons - 18:5
Number of states that permit public school teachers to inflict corporal punishment on students - 23
Number of states in which biology classes are a high school graduation requirement - 8
Amount the Cedar Rapids, Iowa, police began offering high school students this year to inform on their classmates - $50 (I'm not surprised that America copies these types of Nazi tactics when indoctrinating children, just at how cheap the bounty is.)
Number of times the president has met with Miss America this year to discuss her interest in "character education" - 2 ( 2 )
From George Carlin - Remember, Hitler was elected in a free and democratic election.
Members of Congress who voted against the resolution to authorize an armed response to Sept. 11's attack - 1
Member of Congress who voted against the 1964 Gulf of Tonkin Resolution to authorize attacks on Vietnam - 2
Hours after the 9/11 attack that an Alaskan congressman speculated that it may have been committed by "eco-terrorists" - 9
Percentage of Americans who live within a half-mile of nuclear-waste transport routes to the proposed waste dump at Yucca Mountain in Nevada - 18%
Prison sentence of Michael Milken when convicted of massive stock fraud which cost just his elderly clients over $200 million - 5 years in a minimum security prison (pardoned after two)
Prison sentence received by an Oregon activist who set fire to three vehicles in a car dealership - 23 years.
Number of days a Quebec protester was jailed in April for allegedly catapulting three stuffed animals at police - 17
Total cumulative profit earned by the NASDAQ's 4,200 companies since Sept. 1995 - $0.00
Number of years Osama bin Laden's half-brother owned the Houston Gulf Airport before his death in 1988 - 6
Number of years since that the airport has been owned by his estate - 13 ( 3 )
"Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out quicker than the Christmas spirit. - Kim Hubbarb ( 4 )
Did you ever wonder what entity was sued more often than any other in America? That's right, it's the American government. Ever wonder who comes in second? Wal-Mart, with a rate of one new suit being filed every two hours with six verdicts a day. In fact, suing Wal-Mart is so lucrative for lawyers that they hold seminars in which successful tactics are discussed and information about the company exchanged among the attendees. In Wal-Mart's favor, though, it continues to honor the ATLA's (American Trial Lawyer Association) health insurance prescription plan. ( 5 )
From Raymond Lesser - "I'm thankful for our civil liberties, like freedom of speech, and freedom from unreasonable search and seizure, because if civil liberties were outlawed, only outlaws would have civil liberties."
Also from Mr. Lesser - "I am grateful whenever I am up shit creek without a paddle, that at least I still have a canoe." ( 6 )
With that, I will lie back and enjoy the ride down my personal creek.
Oh, by the by. If you would like, once a month, to receive a newspaper full of laughs, chuckles and giggles, just call (216) 371-8696 to get a subscription to Funny Times. That's where everything in this wee offering came from and it's just a scratch in what you get. I get nothing in return for this suggestion save knowing that my readers will get a or two each month.
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