A Few Important Rules and Realities For Life

    At any  intersection with a four way stop, the rule is that the first vehicle to arrive has the right of way.  Always!

    At all four way stop intersections, the rule is that through traffic goes first then right turns and finally, and only finally, left turns.  If this rule doesn't sound familiar, then stop driving immediately and take some lessons before you endanger any more people.

    If you have running lights on your SUV or car, it doesn't make you look cool to have them on when there is on-coming traffic.  You look like a thoughtless, mindless boob who enjoys blinding the drivers of other cars.

    If cars are passing you on the right, you're in wrong lane.  Move to the right until you either are in the slow lane or you are passing the cars in the slow lane.

    If you are driving a vehicle larger than a car on a two lane road, drive to the right of your lane so that traffic behind you can see into the oncoming lane without being forced to enter that lane.  Just watch your passenger side mirror and keep your tires near to that outside white line.

    Most importantly, of course, is if your vehicle gets less than 30 mpg then you are directly sponsoring the vast majority of the terror organizations in the world.  Drugs account for nothing in comparison.  Saudi Arabia, our bosom buddies in the Middle East, pays organizations like al-Qaeda millions of dollars every year as protection money so that the terror won't happen to them but to us.  Every single tank of gas that an SUV or over powered and fuel wasting truck uses flows into the coffers of those who do you and yours the greatest harm imaginable.  Just don't whine when it happens.

    If you have children in your car and they aren't buckled in, that should be considered child abuse of the highest sort.

    Don't ever send any e-mail to anyone unless you have your system protected by an up to date version of virus protection.  If everyone had anti-virus programs constantly monitoring their systems, viruses would be reduced exponentially.

    If you made your fortune in the United States, then shut the hell up about paying taxes.  As the far right is so fond of saying, if you don't like it here then go to Russia or China and see how much you'll earn over there.  It is serendipity and a privilege to live in the United States, you were fortunate beyond words to have been born here rather than Somalia or Iraq or Afghanistan, millions of Americans have died so that you could live in a nation that allows such wealth to be accumulated by boobs like yourself so just pay the damn piper.  Being greedy and selfish may be a Republican trait but it doesn't need to be a requirement.

    When you stand staring at the dozens of choices in bottled water on the shelf, remember that the majority of them came right out of a city tap and straight into the bottle.  An acre foot of water is 325,851 gallons and costs just about $200.  A gallon of bottled water costs along the line of $4.00 or so.  You're paying something along the lines of $1,303,404 per acre foot or a 6,517% mark-up.  If you throw the plastic bottle away, it will take one million years to biodegrade.  Consider that Evian spelled backwards is Naive.

    If you see it or hear about it on FOX or MSNBC or CNN, it's either an outright lie, a half truth or a truth taken out of context. 

    If the speaker's name is Limbaugh, Savage, Bush, or Ashcroft then everything that they say is an outright lie.  This, by the by, is a condensed rendition of a very long list.

    Always flush urinals with your elbow.

    The shoes that Nike and Reebok sell are basically the same sneakers your mother bought you for gym class but now they're unbelievably expensive just because some athlete tells you to wear the brand he's paid to push (and you're dumb enough to do as you're told by someone who plays children's games for a living).

    If you buy clothing with the logo of any company, you are simply paying them in order to provide them with free advertising.  That's not very smart.

    Classic Coke isn't.

    A "Compassionate" Conservative simply cannot exist in this world since the number one requirement of being a conservative is to have absolutely no compassion for anyone but one's self.

    The Religious Right isn't.

    A "Conservative Christian" is a contradiction in terms (and possibly a sinful one at that)..

    Jesus was an unabashed and outspoken Ultra-Liberal.  Republicans are Conservatives.  Think about that.

    Reality shows aren't.  Being surrounded by a crew of thirty or forty people and eating bugs isn't about "Survival", it's just a stupid premise for a stupid show.  (I might watch a show that puts the damn yuppies in South Central LA without a penny in their pockets or a cameraman anywhere in sight and T-Shirts that said "My Mom & Dad hosted a Ku Klux Klan cross burning in Texas and all they got me was this damn shirt")

    If an athlete or an actor is your role model, your aim in life is way too low and your goals too superficial.  The ability to play a child's game or to read words that others wrote isn't really that impressive, it's just stale entertainment.  Curing a disease or creating peace between historic enemies or teaching a child to read or giving comfort to the needy or a multitude of truly life changing careers and moments is where one must look for role models of worth.

    Live longer.  Live better.  Work union.

    War is never the answer for those intelligent enough to understand the questions.

    Rather than wishing for more, wish for the wisdom to know when you have enough.

    Stop worshipping any god that cares about nations and tribes enough to bless one and damn the other.  Such a god isn't worthy of thought or respect.  Search for one that cares for all living creatures equally and you will be rewarded many times over through a inner peace unknown to silly but dangerous fundamentalists.

    Prepare for tomorrow but live in today.

    There is nothing more important nor more precious than a child.  Every day, try to make at least one child smile.

    Plant flower bulbs in unexpected places.  It will make the world a bit more colorful and surprising.

    Remember that the real definition of the Hebrew and Greek phrase in the bible is "And man shall have [stewardship or will care for] over the earth".  The word "dominion" was inserted in the King James version in order to support the wealthy caste's drive to use the world up and throw it away.

    One person's superstition is as good as any other.  Stop killing and hating over something that probably isn't true in the first place.

    Let a smile be your umbrella and you'll look demented and very, very wet.

    There is no end to the accumulation of knowledge.  One never gets too old to be further educated.

    If you want to get ahead in business, never hire someone smarter than you.  If you want the business to get ahead, always hire someone smarter than you.




    The next time you think you're pretty damn smart, create a worm.

    Never test an electrical circuit with your tongue.

    Know how to change your oil and a flat tire.

    Life is lived into the future but can only be understood into the past.

    Know how to cook and to wash clothes.

    The only time another driver should see your middle finger is when it is surrounded by the other four in a friendly wave.

    Never marry for looks or money or even love.  Marry because of the knowledge that you have of the other's character.

    Balance your checkbook.

    Hug your kids.

    Let your kids hear you say positive things about them to others.

    Leave the world a kinder place than you found it.

    The graveyard is full of indispensable people.

    You are not special nor superior because you were born on a certain piece of dirt on this planet.  You are merely fortunate.

    Write loans to friends in pencil and Thank You letters in ink.

    Life is the only place where the tests come before the lessons.

    Know your child's teachers and always go to Parent's Night.

    Vote early and vote often.

    Somewhere in Texas there's a village missing an idiot.

    Be brave.  Even if you're not really brave, your foe can seldom tell the difference.

    Read the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.  Keep framed copies where you and your family will see them every day.   

    If you must pray, pray for wisdom, not things.

    Read to children.

    Good enough isn't.

    To the cat, the bird is food.  To the bird, the cat is death.


Return To Front Page

Go To Next Column

Return to Index of Columns

Go To Archives of Columns

Visit Our Unique Shops At:

The Progressive Mind
Haiwee Fashions
Filipino Soul
Impeach The Moron
Rosetta Stone - Your Name In Egyptian Hieroglyphs
Signs of the Zodiac Gifts

Write me at:jcannon@anotherperspective.org


Copyright 5/28/03