One Idiocy Revisited That Creates A Right Wing Conundrum
For all of you who either believe that the current regime can do
no wrong and who fly flags on your cars and attach flag stickers and decals to every
flat surface and paint store windows and sew flags on your clothes, or if you
know someone who does, you are
about to be served a real conundrum by your Republican leaders.
Once again, Congress is trotting out
their favorite mindless sound bite, the anti-flag desecration amendment to the
Constitution. It might be best, though, to hold your cheers for a minute.
Letís review exactly what the amendment itself states.
"The Congress shall have power to
prohibit the physical desecration of the flag of the United States".
Now, that sounds innocuous enough. As
is said, though, the devil is in the details. As an attachment to that single
sentence, listen to what this law will be further based on.
(a)(1)Whoever knowingly mutilates,
defaces, physically defiles, burns, maintains on the ground, or tramples upon
any flag of the United States shall be fined under this title or imprisoned
for not more than one year, or both.
Okay, again, not too bad. Just some prison time for exercising
your First Amendment rights but, hey, that particularly offensive little
obstacle to a police state is already on its way out with the passage of the
USA PATRIOT ACT.
But, oops, here is the detail that I
mentioned that might make your patriotism cause for some serious prison time.
(b) As used in this section, the term
"flag of the United States" means any flag of the United States, or any
part thereof, made of any substance, of any size, in a form that is commonly
displayed. [my italics]
Here is where
the trap door is sprung. That tattered flag that youíve been flying for
months, that fading decal on your car's bumper and back window, that flag you
sewed onto your cap and jacket, they will all have to be disposed of according
to custom and, suddenly, Constitutional law. Understand, you can't scrape
that little colorful decal off nor can you soak it off since doing either will always "desecrate" the colors. Even if, like
some businesses have done, you paint the flag on your store's windows, you can't
remove it from the glass, you can only replace the glass and have the one that
was painted disposed of properly. Shoot, if your child draws a flag on a piece of
scrap paper or at school, you're faced with the same conundrum. How about
if the child draws a flag on your driveway's surface? Same problem.
If you have a tattoo and want it removed? Can't do it without a very deep
skin draft being taken. In fact, once you trip off this mortal coil, your
family will have a new and truly huge problem as to how to bury you or even
cremate you in the proper manner. The tribulations are manifold.
you've figured out that you have to do things like a good little right wing boy
or girl. You want to follow the law but you aren't certain what the
process might be. Want to know how?
Well, according to the Daughters of
the American Revolution, youíll need five or six people in attendance to carry
out the formal ritual as well as a Color Guard of seven military personnel to fire three volleys and a
minister to say some sort of patriotic prayer and, finally, a bugler to play
ďTapsĒ as you ritually burn your flags and carís windows and car bumpers and your
coats and hats and wherever else you have a flag flying thatís frayed (meaning
even one single string out of place) or faded or scratched or dented or, well,
you get the idea, I hope.
So, hereís your conundrum folks. Do
you continue to paste flags on every flat surface you can find and from every
window of your SUV? (The correct custom is always to fly it from
the right front bumper, by the by)? In fact, do you remove all those American
flag postage stamps to dispose of ritually? Or, do you support the silliness
of changing our Constitution to protect a tribal totem and face going to
What to do? What to do?
Check out these facts for yourself at these two
Citizenís Flag Alliance
Daughters of the American Revolution
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