"Who Said This?" Pt. 5

 

 

 1.    "[T]hese people are poisoned.  They have literally been poisoned by their hate.  They have been poisoned by their rage.  It is unbelievable, the depths to which they will sink."

    A. Karl Rove, second in command of what little there is of George Bush's brain, on why the Iraqis aren't obeying the American military's orders..
    B. Every Liberal/Progressive that has ever lived describing the entire Bush regime.
    C. Rush Limbaugh, attacking several of the survivors of the 9/11 attack who complained about the moron's sick and offensive use of 9/11 images in his re-election campaign ads.
    D. President Clinton, overheard in a drunken and weepy conversation with Pungen Judy, his newest intern.

2.    "I just want her to have the experience and to know about life, because she is the youngest child and when she was born her parents already had status.

    A. Florida Gov. Jeb Bush on why he asked the court to send his daughter Jenna Bush to a maximum security prison for her multiple convictions for trying to get fraudulent prescriptions filled.
    B. Thailand's Prime Minister on having his child work at a local McDonald's.
    C. FCC Commissioner M. J. Copps on why he removed his daughter from public school to watch one year's worth of afternoon soap operas.
    D. President Clinton, on reports that he had considered forcing his daughter, Chelsea, into prostitution for two weeks in 1998.

3.    "[I] got meal costs down to 40 cents a day per inmate.  It costs $1.15 a day to feed the department's dogs."

    A. Gen. Blinde F. Oliwer, Commander of the Guantanamo Bay detention center in Cuba, pointing out the latest figures for feeding the Muslim inmates spoiled pork products disguised as soggy whole wheat cereal.
    B. Maricopa County, AZ county sheriff Joe Arpaio on the female prisoners in his jail.
    C. VP Dick Cheney, on the new "no calorie" diet (basically shredded and composted original copies of the Constitution and Bill of Rights) being tested at unnamed federal penitentiaries.
    D. Jeb Bush, describing the new diet regime at his state's "Christian prisons" in which each convict begs for food from the prison's trustees.

4.    "As far as we're concerned, we've been entirely successful."

    A. Karl Rove, in a speech to the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, admitting that the tax cuts and the war in Iraq were meant only to bankrupt the federal budget.
    B. Osama bin Laden, explaining that their original intent for the 9/11 attacks was to destroy all American freedoms and thanking the Bush regime for their able and invaluable assistance in this pursuit.
    C. Ahmad Chalabi, president of the Iraqi National Congress, on lying over and over to the idiots in the Bush regime in order to trick them into attacking Iraq and Saddam Hussein.
    D. Dan Rather, CBS News anchor, on the media's desire to convince the public that George Bush has a brain, Condoleeza Rice has a heart, and Colin Powell has a spine.

5.    "If George Bush loses the election, Osama bin Laden wins the election."

    A. George Bush, not quite understanding the democratic presidential election process since he has yet to participate in it.
    B. Rep. Tom Cole (R-OK), speaking to a bunch of Nazi sympathizers, I mean, a group of Republicans.
    C. Osama bin Laden, not quite understanding the democratic election process since he has yet to participate in it.
    D. Rush Limbaugh, not quite understanding the democratic election process since he has yet to participate in it (without the help of various illegally obtained prescription drugs, that is).   

6.    "It's all - maybe not all fiction - but most of it is."

    A. Karl Rove, explaining to Bush why they won't trust him with the real reasons that Bush supposedly ordered the invasion of Iraq.
    B. Robert Downey Jr., detailing his life's story to an entertainment reporter.
    C. Mel Gibson's father Hutton, expressing his opinion that the Holocaust has been exaggerated.
    D. George Bush, expressing his opinion on his service record in the Texas Air National Guard during the Vietnam War.

7.    "Martin Luther King Jr. suffered from infidelity, so did John F. Kennedy.  You're more likely to find great leadership coming from a man who likes to have sex with a lot of women."

    A. Karl Rove, encouraging Bush to have sex with an intern in hopes that the electorate will see Bush as less of a wimp and a whining loser and more "Clintonesque".
    B. "Actor" Ethan Hawke, on why he cheated on his wife Uma Thurman (Oh, and Uma, my sweet, I'm extremely faithful in my relationships so call me when you have a moment - J.C.)
    C. John Kerry, trying to smooth the way in his quest to win Uma Thurman before I do.
    D. Condoleeza Rice, arguing against the proposed budget funding for the "Healthy Marriage Initiative".

8.    "Several years."

    A. According to Karl Rove, the time it will take John Kerry to rebut the hundreds of lies leaked by the Bush campaign to the conservative media which, of course, didn't waste any valuable time fact-checking the stories before publishing them (see Clinton presidency 1992 - 2000).
    B. The estimated time that George Bush's Texas Air National Guard commander estimated it would take Bush to learn the difference between his ass and a hole in the ground.
    C. Either a few weeks or no time at all, depending on President Bush's current explanation about the time he spent flying an F-102 in the National Guard.
    D. The amount of time Rush Limbaugh's doctors believe it will take for the massive amounts of illegal prescription drugs Limbaugh ingested to be cleansed from his system and to no longer affect his convoluted and mean spirited thought processes.

9.    'I lied and I lied, and then I lied some more."

    A. President Bush, in a tearful admission to his wife Laura after his appearance before the 9/11 commission that was overheard by a White House servant.
    B. Jayson Blair, NYT reporter fired for fabricating several articles, in the first chapter of his new book.
    C. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, to his chief law clerk, on his twenty page rebuttal to the idea that he recuse himself from the case concerning his duck hunting buddy Dick Cheney.
    D. O.J. Simpson, to a friend, while playing golf during his search for the "real killers".

10.    "You've done a nice job decorating the White House."

    A. "Newlyweds" reality-TV star Jessica Simpson to Interior Secretary Gale Norton.
    B. Laura Bush to S.P. Inkter who, while on a tour of the White House, had thrown his own feces on the walls of the Lincoln Bedroom.
    C. David Duke, to R. A. Cyst, the KKK Grand Wizard, after touring the KKK's official residence.
    D. Lady Byrd Johnson as Jackie Kennedy moved the last of her possessions out of the White House in 1963.

1.    C.    "Vast Right-wing Conspiracy", Devil in the Details, Michael Tomasky, The American Prospect, pg. 7, April 2004

2.    B.    Perspectives, Newsweek, pg. 23, 4/12/04

3.    C.    "In Chains", the sort run, DOLLARS AND SENSE, pg. 4, March/April 2004

4.    C.    "Measure of Success", No Comment, The Progressive, pg. 10, April 2004

5.    B.    "A Vote for Osama?" No Comment, The Progressive, pg. 10, April 2004.

6.    C.    "Perspectives", Newsweek, pg. 23, 3/1/04

7.    B.    "Perspectives", Newsweek, pg. 23, 3/1/04

8.    C.    "Brave New Words", The American Prospect, pg. 8, March 2004.

9.    B.    "Perspectives", Newsweek, pg. 21, 3/8/04

10.  A.    "Perspectives", Newsweek, pg. 27, March 29, 2004



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