The Stimulus Money and You!


A little cautionary tale regarding any possible further stimulus funds for American taxpayers.  Something to think about.


Sometime this year, we taxpayers may again receive an Economic Stimulus payment.
This is a very exciting new program. 
I will explain it using the Q and A format:
Q.  What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A.  It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q.  Where will the government get this money?
A.  From taxpayers.
Q.  So the government is giving me back my own money?
A.  Only a smidgen.
Q.  What is the purpose of this payment?
A..  The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q.  But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A.  Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
      If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China .
      If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
      If you purchase a computer, it will go to India .
      If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala
      If you buy a car, it will go to Japan .
      If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
      If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
      If you pay for wars by printing more paper money it will devalue your assets, cause blowback or death to your kids.
Instead, keep the money in America by:
1.      spending it at yard sales, or
2.      going to ball games, or
3.      spending it on prostitutes, or
4.      spending it on locally grown marijuana or
5.      domestic beer, or

6.      locally grown produce or
7.      tattoos.
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the US .)
*** On a personal note, I'm going to go to get very stoned, eat a peach and go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that I met at a yard sale -- we're going to drink lots of domestic beer!  Yay!  See ya there!


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Copyright 8/31/09